I'm not sure how to write this post but I feel like I need to.
Several months ago I told a dear friend that I felt like someday I would have a miscarriage. This thought would occasional enter my mind and I didn't know if the reason was to prepare me to have more sympathy for a friend who may struggle with this, or for myself personally. I had spent time thinking about those hard questions. "Will I see my baby again?", "was it my fault?", "what went wrong?", and felt that I had answers already.
And now I have learned that Heavenly Father was preparing me for my own miscarriage. While this has been a very sad thing to experience I have been overwhelmed by blessings and comfort through this time.
Fortunately, or Unfortunatly this miscarriage happened before I made our pregnancy "public". Family and close friends knew, but not everyone. This almost made it harder when we lost baby because I had been SO excited to share our news, it was heartbreaking to lose the baby and then....what? Just pretend I was never pregnant? It helped me immensely to talk about it and let people know I was pregnant, with a sweet special spirit. I just needed validation that I was pregnant, although only for a very short time. 12 weeks to be exact.
A week and a half after my miscarriage I really feel good. Physically and emotionally. I miss this baby like that sinking feeling you get in your gut when you are homesick. The feeling when your throat tightens up and you want to cry. But each day is getting easier, and I am seeing more and more tender mercies and sweet blessings come from this experience.
I feel confident that Heavenly Father will bless us with more little ones to raise, but until then I need patience and faith.
Although Eli didn't know what this shirt said, he kept asking to wear it.
Our little one at 8 weeks
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