Saturday, April 4, 2015

Cherish Each Moment

I recently read an article about a little 2 year old girl who was battling cancer.  There were many pictures of her swollen face and body covered in wires and tubes.  There was no chance she would get to leave that hospital bed again.  She had just passed away within the week of reading this and it just hit me: What if I lost my sweet 2 year old forever?

The mom had written that more than anything she just wished she could hold her sweet daughter one more time.  Cuddle her and sing her one more lullaby.  One more hug and kiss goodnight. I began to cry and could not stop the flood of tears that followed. 

I had been having a rough week with Eli. Snapping at him more than I should, scolding him for things he didn't necessarily mean to do, and just being a grumpy mom.  I began to cry those hot angry tears of mom guilt.  Thinking back to all the things I had done or said that I wished I could take back in an instant.  I just wanted to crawl in Eli's bed and snuggle him, kiss his warm forehead, and apologize over and over again. 

My heart hurt for this mom who didn't get anymore time with her daughter and I was wasting the precious time I have with my son.  I was filling it with un needed stress or frustrations when it could be filled with snuggles and stories, belly laughs from tickles, playing on the floor together, and so many more things.

I decided right then (after a long prayer of asking for forgiveness) that I wanted to spend my precious time filled with sweet moments. What a difference the last 2 weeks have been.  I had so much more patience when dealing with messes, attitudes, or 2 year old demands.  I just thought how much my heart and soul had hurt and how I didn't want to regret the time I have with him.  I focused on teaching him with love and redirecting him in a kinder way.  It isn't perfect and there have been a couple days I've really struggled, but overall I feel like a much better mom.

I am grateful for seeing that heart wrenching article, for it breaking my heart, and feeling that horrible guilt.  After feeling those things so deeply, I was able to remember them and use them to be a better mom.  And my momhood has only just begun!

1 comment:

  1. so many times the things we learn are at the expense of some one else pain....we see, or witness, or read what they had to endure and only the wise ones use this is as their own teaching moment. you are so wise to recognize the power of being patient and positive. . . and it has made me reflect on the volumes i could fill of regrets and remorse but now i will try and be more positive and be very grateful for each new day to try again to do and be a little better and more what i know i have the potential to become. it was a wonderful reminder to all of us...cherish the moment

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